In all honesty this year has defeated me in all senses of the word. Writing this I feel tired and saddened that I couldn’t spend this Thanksgiving with my family, one of the only times that we’re all together, from all over the country. To backtrack a little, this year didn’t start out great for me either. I’ll be honest that I struggled with myself a lot by means of partying too much and coping with my emotions in the wrong way. I started out this year at a low and I feel as though while I may not struggle in those same ways, I’m still at a low. The way I would meet people at my previous college was through going out and socializing. I’m an extrovert and my energy goes towards that energy, so when I can’t do that I feel really low. Anyway, beyond starting out this year at a low I went through a lot alone in the first month of 2020. My best friend who I was extremely co dependent on at my previous college ended up moving back home after the first semester and I was left alone, as we both drifted apart from our other best friend we also were very co dependent on. Therefore, once I got back to college my spring semester I was at a very dark and depressing point in my life as I didn’t have a job and I began to rely on drinking more than I had ever seen at any point before in my life. I surrounded myself with the wrong people and began to dig myself into a deeper hole. Not only that, but I was going through the remnants of a very toxic and manipulative relationship that drained me emotionally, mentally and physically. Once Covid hit hard in mid March I was beyond ready to come home from college. As soon as I was presented with the possibility to come home I took it up right away and within three days I was up in New Hampshire with my family moving out of my dorm. I knew I would never be coming back there and while I did have some good memories there from the previous semester, I was ecstatic to leave. I didn’t care who I left behind or any toxic relationships I could’ve redeemed by staying there. I did what I knew what was best for me in that moment and honestly that was one of the only good decisions that came out of this year. On the drive back home from New Hampshire about two hours in, I found out I got into Salve Regina (my current college) and I couldn’t have been happier in that moment. About a week after I got home was when the lockdown hit for Massachusetts and I never knew the depths of what that meant in that moment. The next two months were spent with me trying to find motivation to get out of bed, to find a reason to leave the house even if it was just for a walk with my mom. My sleep schedule was insanely messed up and that affected me mentally additionally. The second week of May I ended up going out and having a really hard and scary experience with alcohol and from then on I made a vow to myself to never drink nor handle alcohol the way that I had been. I knew I couldn’t get through that myself so every day I’d pray to God to get me through it and He did. May was a positive month for me as I was able to create boundaries for myself regarding toxic relationships and friendships. Not only that, but I was able to grow in my relationship with God- which I had been struggling with for months prior. Additionally, I was able to get my high paying summer job back and make substantial friendships throughout the season. I ended up bartending on the boat, landing modeling gigs, getting the opportunity to sign with professional companies, becoming very tight with my best friend creating memories together all over New England, and I fell head over heels for my closest guy friend I’ve known since the start of high school, we got to experience parts of upstate Maine we’ve never seen before and feel what it was like to be surrounded by each other day in and day out. Unfortunately, in early August he had to leave for college in Texas and I haven’t been able to see him since, but he was able to instill in me a new idea of love that I should be presented with going forward in my relationships. He showed me the kind of man I should be with. He showed me how to stand up for myself when I wasn’t comfortable confronting something prior. He brought me out of the dark mindset I had towards love because of my most recent ex. He was able to make me feel comfortable and accepting of myself no matter what parts I may have been ashamed about. He was able to understand me on another level, that no other man has taken the time to do. But most of all he showed me how to grow in my relationship with God. It hurt my heart being separated from him, but because all we talked about during our time together stuck with me so much I was able to move on with my life more fluently than I had expected. I believe I lucked out so much in the summer because I took the time to grow in my relationship with the Lord. This pattern continued into my newly transitioned life at Salve. While it was hard leaving my parents after living with them for an extended period of time again, I quickly adjusted to my life in Newport. I met my best friend Jordan a week into my semester. I got a job , that day in and day out I have an exciting time at. Through that I’ve been able to make strong connections and friendships. One of my first days training on the job one of my current best friends walked in and from there it’s been a spiral of memories. Unfortunately, he goes to college in Florida and was only renting in Newport for the fall. It’s hard for me to write this as I know he’s leaving this upcoming weekend and he’s made a huge impact on my life. It’s going to be hard for us to let go of him, but we knew this week was coming. In addition to him leaving, I haven’t been able to see my family in ten months and it’s hitting me hard again this week because it’s an instilled family tradition for us to be together right now. To put a damper on things I know in the back of our heads we’re all thinking it could be my grandmother’s last holiday season and we can’t spend it with her. So going forward these are the most important aspects I’ve learned in the past eight months:
- Trust in God and pray to the Lord in times of downfall, He’ll only provide you with a new sense of faith.
- Never take a healthy breath or a positive day spent with family and friends for granted ever again.
- Expanding on that, once we are out of this pandemic show the world the appreciation we have on a consistent, never failing basis.
- Consistently remind loved ones how much they mean to you, you never know what could happen in the course of five minutes.
- Never cease to express your feelings towards someone. Life is short, don’t be afraid to tell someone you love them.
- Remind yourself who you were before the pandemic, and how you can grow from that self image once this is over.
- Take time to reflect. To meditate. To take a step back from the commotion of your daily routine to realize who you are. Don’t become warped into the 9–5 practice.
- Evaluate how relationships are affecting you, are they positive or are they negative? Drop toxicity and don’t hesitate. There’s no room for it in successful development.
- Lastly, welcome people with open arms. From all walks of life. This is something I’ve learned first hand through this pandemic on both ends. You don’t know what someone is going through and there’s no need for negativity in the scheme of life.
- Stay optimistic.
